What qualifies as a Festive Failure?

The turkey going dry? Forgetting the Brandy Butter? Missing sending a Christmas card to Great Great Auntie (thrice removed) Gertrude?

No, for me it is failing to communicate with the people that mean such a lot to me. My family, friends and readers.

I am not writing this to garner sympathy. I don’t want comments and empathy. I just need to get it all out there.

So, I had several posts that I wanted to write before Christmas Eve. I knew my topics; I knew they would be relevant.

Stunning Sewing

I just couldn’t keep my eyelids open.

Back in April I got a promotion (Yay go me)

And it has been bloody horrific.

Riddled with issues, training, sickness and even more than I can explain.

I have gone from 30 hours a week to 37 hours. When I say 37 hours, I actually mean on average 55 hours a week.

Big jump, eh?

I am now usually the last person in the family to walk through the front door. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge it, I am loving the challenge. It just leaves little time for my other passions, including blogging.

Round Two

Writing for me, is cathartic. It improves my mental health (which strangely, has seriously deteriorated greatly since my promotion)

Without my writing, I downward spiral. The simple act of writing a journal feeds the part of me that feels rapturous joy. Without it I feel that something in me in incomplete.

When I started writing this I had not managed to publish a blog post since the 10th of December. Nearly 3 weeks.

Merry Christmas

And it hasn’t been for lack of trying; I just haven’t had a lot of time to write, add photos, meta-tag and promote. Not like I used to.

What concerns me is that my blog will fade and die, because I am too busy to keep up with it and that is a terrible shame.

I have met life-long friends. I have had marvellous opportunities. I have modelled. I am a published writer. I have collaborated with companies. All because of my writing.

To be honest without writing my feelings down, I get ‘blocked’. I don’t mean writers block; I mean emotional block.

Regal Purple

Due to the medication I am on, it makes me feel emotionless. A Triple dose of Anti-Depressants and four Beta-blockers for anxiety stop me feeling panicky, yet stop me from feeling too.

When I write my posts, the emotion just flows out in my writing. Without me having a mental breakdown.

So in short, I HAVE TO KEEP WRITING.

Even if I can only post once every month or two, it is vital to me to do so.

Blue Velvet

I used to worry about the amount of views I received a day. If it went below 100 I would panic, I chased the views and one of my biggest goals was reaching 10,000 views in a month (which has never happened yet).

But plainly and simply I cannot devote the time to promote each post. Not without staying up till stupid o’clock and then being useless for work the next day. Something has to give and for me, its the chasing of my blog dreams.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not going anywhere. However I cannot devote hours late at night to publish and promote.

I leave for work at 0830. I get home around 630, have dinner and socialise with the family. Around 10pm is when I am free to start writing. And by then I am wiped out. If I manage to get on the computer I can write for a couple of hours.

All the colours

The problem with that is when I wake at 4am, head on the keyboard, which happens more than I want to admit to.

But I need the release of my writing and I miss it when I can’t do it. I feel like I am letting myself and my followers down and it is a heavy burden to bear.

Too heavy for most.

So, as long as you continue to read me, I will continue to write. After all, I have to get my thoughts out there in order to stay sane.

Well, as sane as I can be………..

Till next time

SPSG xxx