It has been a month since I have properly posted on my blog and my Instagram has also been very sporadic with only 4 posts since the 1st of June which is less than what I usually put out in 10 days!

Thankfully my followers seem to have stuck with me which was down to two huge life experiences; a mental breakdown AND the subsequent death of my Mum who I had been nursing since January.

Whilst Mum was frail, her death was completely unexpected and threw my already fragile mental health into a tailspin which I am still not recovered from, if I am completely honest.

That is what this blog is really about. Not the death of Mum, although I am sure I will write about that at some point, but all about my Mental Health.

You see, I believe in being open and honest about my struggles in the hope that someone out there reading this will know they are not alone. I have spoken about my MH in many of my blogs but I have to say it has never been as bad as what it has been since May.

I am not ashamed to say that I am undergoing counselling through the NHS which is a form of talking therapy. I am able to talk about anything that is causing me issues, be it my own lack of self-esteem and confidence, family issues, bereavement, work, or something random that has set me off.

The NHS team are absolutely amazing and I genuinely felt I was getting somewhere up to the point that Mum passed away and then of course, it went a little awry.

Being mentally ill has had such attached stigma for so long, but in recent years this has improved exponentially especially for Men’s mental health. Prominent campaigns and famous people coming out and speaking about their own issues has given strength to a lot of people who have then sought help for their own Mental ill health.

Campaigns such as #MentalHealthMatters and #Itsokaynottobeokay have brought MH issues to the forefront and this is a brilliant thing.

But people still have to reconcile their own ‘worries’ about speaking out, going out and showing the World.

For example, I am currently signed off work with depression and anxiety. This is what is known as an ‘invisible illness’. Physically I look absolutely fine (apart from a dodgy knee) but mentally I am literally on my knees.

Now, one of the best things to do when you are struggling mentally is to get out and about. Having a coffee with a friend, popping to the garden centre, sitting in the garden on a sunny day, going to an event that has been planned for a long while, having a meal out, going to the gym etc are all good things to do.

Having fun raises serotonin and other endorphins which have a massive positive effect on mental health. When you do something that makes you happy it translates through your day. When you are alone later that day and feeling upset or anxious, you can remember what you achieved during the day and this also gives you a boost.

The biggest issue for many, me included in just how it looks to others.

Some examples:-

You have a few months off work with a mental health issue and…

Come back with a lovely tan

Post photos on social media at an event

Go abroad on holiday during that time off

Have a meal with a friend at a nice restaurant

Now, how would YOU react if you heard someone off sick had done all of those things? Would you think “Well, they obviously need/are entitled to do all that” or would you think, “Pffft, there’s nothing bloody wrong with them”

Would it enter your mind that maybe they have a tan because they have been pottering in the garden, pulling up weeds to get out of the four walls they have been inhabiting, or maybe going for long walks as it is good for the body and soul?

That the event has been planned for a long time but even on the day of the event the person was suffering from anxiety attacks and didn’t want to get in the car. Then once they had attended, the issue of posting photos or being in other peoples posts caused anxiety and upset due to what ‘people might think’.

Or that the Doctor had recommended getting away from everything,  having some time away doing absolutely nothing related to home life and the issues that have caused a lot of the distress.

The friend had to drag the person out to the restaurant due to sheer panic and anxiety. That the thought of being seen by a work colleague left them paralysed with fear.

This is the problem with an invisible illness such as a mental health breakdown. Getting out of the house is one of the best things a person can do, however if you are already anxious then this is ramped up massively.

Many people, me included, feel that you should hide away and not be seen, when in fact this is one of the worst things you can do. Just because I am ill, doesn’t mean I can’t leave my room.

But the need to not ‘advertise’ the fact is both an issue of self-preservation and being respectful to the situation.

Because people WILL judge and make decisions based on your behaviour.

Some say “You may as well be hung for a sheep than a lamb” which basically means do the things they are saying you are up to.

But it is hard when you own anxiety is screaming at you to stay hidden.

That is what anxiety does though.

It tells you that you are wrong, that you cannot achieve anything in life, that you are useless, worthless and makes you frightened of your own shadow (amongst other things) but by going out and living life and trying to enjoy things, even when you feel like your world is falling apart is just what defeats the anxiety.

One of the exercises my therapist has had me do is to look at situations where my anxiety runs rampant and to write them down.

After writing them down, I need to write down WHAT I think will happen if I put myself in those exact situations and the result of what happened.

Every single time the ‘worst’ never happened and I had a positive experience.

The exercise is meant to eventually retrain your mind to the fact that every time you predict a negative outcome, which then doesn’t happen, means your anxiety is a liar and eventually you will predict positive outcomes or in many cases, stop predicting because your no longer thing of this is a negative way.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but with practice and an open mind, it does change the way you see things.

And I am trying.

As for the scenarios I listed, some of them are real such as the planned event, however I am still as porcelain as Casper the Friendly Ghost and I don’t do gardening, although I have heard it is good for the body, mind and spirit!

Till next time,

SPSG xxx

PS – Thanks to Noah and the Whale for the title of this blog and a bloody good song – check it out on Spotify or other streaming service.