This is not the normal kind of blog that I write. In fact, it has taken a fair amount of guts to put pen to paper, mainly because it goes against everything that I represent and being a genuine, real plus size goddess is everything to me.

But I need to address this issue and I need your help!

Of course, some people may be triggered by this, so if weight loss, dieting, weight loss injections/general surgery are topics you don’t/can’t read about, then please STOP now.

SO…. Here goes.

Candy Cane

For those who follow me on various social media, you will know of my recent struggles with a knee issue that started off around five years ago.

Background to this, for those who don’t  know –

I fell, landed on my knee, and damaged my ACL. A further fall damaged the Meniscus. The NHS advised leaving it to repair itself  and come back in a year.

Then COVID hit. Two years passed and  when I finally saw the consultant again, they  said there was nothing much that they could  do.

At this point I was still quite mobile, although in pain. Boo and I went on holiday to Greece in  2020 and I walked up the to the top of the Acropolis, albeit it with a walking cane.

Acropolis…. Almost

Time passed and the walking stick became a way of life. I couldn’t walk too far without  it, especially as the knee would give way at any opportunity so I needed it for safety.

The stick became a rollator. We went to  Disneyland Paris, and I got around quite well,  and was able to sit on the inbuilt seat when I needed to.

Fast forward to now.

London Theatre Times

I can’t walk more than 20 steps without  being in severe pain. This never goes away, and I wake up all hours of the night crying out. I cannot stand for more than 5 minutes  without being left in agony.

It was getting so much worse, and I just didn’t know why. The NHS was telling me that there was nothing they could find wrong and to take ibuprofen and paracetamol which wasn’t even touching the pain.

In the last year I have had to use an electric wheelchair to get around for any sort of distance. I am not quite 50 and I find that I have become physically unable to do everyday tasks and jobs.

Trakai Castle, Lithuania

I haven’t let this stop me though. By using my cane, rollator and now wheelchair, I have travelled extensively, not letting my mobility issues stop me in any way. America, The Far East and a huge swathe of Europe have hosted me and there is even more to come.

However, I want to be able to to travel much easier than I do now!

So, back in October I went to see a private Consultant at a local hospital. I knew it wouldn’t be cheap, however I was getting worse, and the NHS were not doing anything.

“Unfortunate” in London

In my opinion, an appointment costing £200 would be worth it if it showed something  up. If the consultant told me there was  nothing wrong, then I knew the pain was all in my mind.

I genuinely thought I was going mad. How  could I be in agony, yet there was nothing  there?

I headed into the appointment with  trepidation. But I knew I would get an answer one  way or another.

Off to London

The Specialist Consultant took my history,  did some tests on my knee, and told me that he thought there was some underlying  issue going on.

To be sure, I would need to have an MRI and he could then give a much better diagnosis and medical opinion.

I booked in for an MRI a couple of weeks  later and then a follow up shortly after that.

Arriving about 15 minutes before my follow up, I was as nervous as a cat in a room of  rocking chairs.

What if he told me there was nothing wrong?

What if he told me there was something  wrong?

What if there was nothing that could be  done?

What if there was something that could be done?

I was completely conflicted and didn’t know what I wanted to be told for the best.

Heading in, the Consultant took no time in  telling me that he wanted to show me the  results of my MRI.

I genuinely had no idea quite what was  about to come.

Bringing up the MRI scans on his computer, he first showed me the outside edge of my right leg where he explained it was in perfect condition and there was no issue at all.

Croatia

Then he spun it around to show me the  inside edge.

It looked like a melted candle.

You could clearly see the damage and that  the two sides simply didn’t look the same. I  couldn’t quite understand what was going on.

The Consultant told me that my knee compartment had severe degeneration, the cartilage between the knee and leg bone had all but disappeared, leaving bone grinding on bone. The body was trying to send repair anti-bodies to the area to help, but this was resulting in bursars (sacs of fluid) trying to push between the two bones.

One of my Neowalk Canes

I was shocked and stunned that this was  my knee.

I jokingly said “Well, that will explain why I  am in so much pain”. The Consultant’s  response was “To be honest, it is a wonder you  are walking at all”.

Tears filled my eyes.

Tropical in Twinwood

Finally, I had a proper diagnosis. It wasn’t all in my head and I may finally be able to get some medication to ease the pain AND a  solution.

The Consultant went on to advise that there were a few options that could be taken;  key-hole surgery where the knee would be flushed out, removing shards of bone which had been ground out by movement, a partial knee replacement or a full knee replacement.

He described each option and his opinion.

The flushing out wasn’t really a good option. The shards would be flushed, the movement of me bending my knee would cause more shards to be created, the pain wouldn’t lessen either way and it was an expensive waste of time.

Chicago

A partial replacement was a genuine consideration. It would allow for the areas of issue to be replaced which could help remove some of the pain. This would last around 10 years maximum.

A full replacement was the better option.  This would be done using robotics, meaning a pinpoint precision replacement. It would  last between 20 and 30 years, if I looked after  it and would give me full mobility again (if I did my post-op exercises)

Well, it is a no-brainer, really.

Athens

So here is the bone of contention that I  need help with.

In order to have the operation, I need to lose over two stone in weight. Now, given that I can barely walk, use a wheelchair, and perform a relatively sedentary job, this is not going to be an easy task.

I have already started and have lost a few  pounds, but not enough to make a difference.

Chicago Nights

At a follow up appointment this week, the Consultant advised that he would book me in for my knee replacement in October. That is only 6 months away and I am scared.

Scared that I won’t be able to lose the  weight.

Scared that as I am technically obese, I  could die on the operating table.

Scared that my recovery won’t be as  successful if I still have a lot of added weight on  my knee joints.

Twinwood Times

Given that I am having to pay a hell of a lot of money for this operation, and I am nearly 50, and it needs to last, I must try and help my knee as much as I possibly can.

But trying to lose weight is just making my anxiety run rampant. When I am anxious, I stop eating at all. You would think it would help, but it never has before.

The longest I have gone without eating  anything due to my mental health is about 8  days. I never seem to have hunger pangs or  cravings and in fact, my metabolism is pretty  damn useless.

Prince in Chicago

I usually only have 1 meal a day; a healthy evening meal with lots of vegetables, nothing frozen/processed or out of a packet, and pulses and lentils feature often too.

Over the past weeks I have tried to increase that to at least having a breakfast and some fruit and yoghurt at lunch. But I now have a deadline that I need to reach.

This is where you come into things.

Please bear in mind that I am not here  advocating for diets, pills, WLS or other methods of weight loss.

I categorically DO NOT WANT TO LOSE  WEIGHT.

Disco Night

I am happy with myself, and I love my shape and size.  I have an extremely beautiful  wardrobe of clothing that I adore wearing whilst showing off my style and fashion sense.

I don’t want to ‘change’ me. I have been  both thin and fat and I was miserable when I  was thin. I don’t feel myself when I lose  weight.

I become a stranger I don’t know.

Andre Rieu Concert in Liverpool

But this knee operation is paramount. So, I need help and advice on the following.

I know there is a range of weight loss products out there now, available privately which seem to be able to assist in losing more weight that if you did it by diet alone.

WeGovy, Ozempic, Saxenda and Orlistat/Xenical are some of them out there to purchase. But they are not cheap and of course, the internet is made in a way that it will tell you what the companies sponsor it to tell you.

I need all you wonderful people out there to give me your facts, opinions, experiences,  and info on any kind of weight loss  medication you have used.

Was it successful?

Which did you use?

What were the side effects if any?

What should a newbie to this side of things know before they spend several hundred  pounds on something that may be a complete load of rubbish.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want hundreds of people trying to sell me herbal pills and snake oil. I want the tea on the actual recommended products that the NHS and pharmacists can recommend.

Please, if you have anything that can help me with this, reach out and let me know your experiences. If there is a chance that one of these medications could help, it could make a massive difference to my surgery, recovery and how well I can walk again in the future.

Singapore

Don’t worry though. I am not doing it for  aesthetic looks. It is purely to help the surgery which could be done in 6 months’ time,  transforming my life and mobility completely.

Till next time,

SPSG xxx